Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
