my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
