I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
