sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
