Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
