my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
