So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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