i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
