He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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