The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
