So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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