do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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