it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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