Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
