I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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