We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
