I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
