Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
