every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
