I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
