I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
