if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my liver is dry heaving
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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