I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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