I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
