do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
