i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
