make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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