Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
