Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
