Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The air taste purple.
Randomize
