Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
