WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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