Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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