Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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