Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
