bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
