have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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