this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
