I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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