i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
