my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just made out with a guy for $7.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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