someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
