my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
