I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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