The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
