Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
