I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
