u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
