i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
