the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
