is your mom at the bar?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
barbara walters just said penis...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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