Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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