We need to rekindle our bromance
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
