he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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