I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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