Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
