You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
