They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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