Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
