I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
