omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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