Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
