I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i love accidental penises.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
