Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
