I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want nice things and good sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
