last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
