Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
