I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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