I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
