; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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