After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
