how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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