Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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