Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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