just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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