How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?