You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
