I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
