And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
