Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
